Keith
Nighswonger's Brush PileI was summoned to meet with ProBassAnglers.com UUV, Keith Nighswonger late yesterday for what he termed, "an urgent press conference." Walking into to the ProBassAnglers.com media room, (booth number 7 at the Pico Rivera Burger King,) I noticed that it would again involve only me. My hopes for a legitimate press conference faded, although the Burger King character from the TV commercial was standing on the sidewalk, waving to passing cars.
I figured this press conference would involve the usual, self indulgence, you know, blah, blah, blah, me. Blah, blah, blah, I see bass fishing going to the moon.....kind of drivel that I usually get when I come to these meetings. What I got instead, was both unexpected and typical, as The UUV was his usual, disconnected self. How do I get away with writing these things about my boss, you ask? Let's just say that I have information on him that he wouldn't want you to know. It is not a blackmail kind of thing, but I know embarrassing things about him and he would rather that you not know. So there you have it. He is my boss, but he can't really fire me.
ProBassAnglers: You have summoned us, er, me to this press conference today. What are you announcing
Nighswonger-As you know, I pride myself with being a trend setter in this great industry of ours....
ProBassAnglers: Do you mean, the fast food industry? Our is it "the out of touch with reality" industry?
Nighswonger-I of course am speaking about the bass fishing media industry, of which you are an employee, in a top three company.
ProBassAnglers: Did I get traded to BassZone?
Nighswonger-I have called this press conference today to announce an event so significant, that it will turn the fishing world on it's bass, (ha, ha, that was a pun.)
ProBassAnglers: You are a pun.....(k)
Nighswonger-I sense that you are being a little bit "attitudinal" with me.
ProBassAnglers: Funk And Wagner's says that "attitudinal" is not a word.
Nighswonger-Please do not use those kinds of words, this web site prides itself on being here for children as well as adults. Now, I don't know who this Wagner is, but I don't think you should be talking about him like that.
ProBassAnglers: I appologize "Your Arrogance," it will not happen again.
Nighswonger-That's better. I have called this press conference today to announce that for a limited time only, ProBassAnglers.com is going to give everybody who comes to our web site, the ProBassAnglers.com Employee Discount. The E.D. will allow our readers and listeners to enjoy the benefits of our web site for the same price as our employees. That means, regular people, our listeners, our readers, our fans, can come to this web site and pay the same amount as our employees and they will get the same, updated, late breaking news, and that "zany Brush Pile" column that you write for the same price as our employees, AND for a very limited time, if they act quickly, we will give them an additional $3,500.00 in rebates. Opps, that part of the offer is now up. The $3,500.00 rebates are no longer available.
We feel tremendous gratitude towards our readers, after all they have made us a top player in this industry. We want to show the public how much we appreciate their patronage.
ProBassAnglers: ah.......hmm....I really don't know where to go with this, I am sort of lost. What are we selling here at ProBassAnglers.com?
Nighswonger-Well that's the "on air talent for you," totally into your craft, but you don't have a clue about marketing or sales. You know the guys in sales have kind of a funny story about you....
ProBassAnglers: We have a sales staff? Do they ever work?
Nighswonger-This new E.D. plan will allow the public to access our columns, articles and radio broadcasts for just $1.95 per second from now until the end of August, the typical reader will save thousands of dollars.
That will do it, thank you for coming, no more questions.