Keith Nighswonger's Brush Pile

Just about every time a big story breaks on the national level, I know I can expect a phone call.  Every time somebody makes a major announcement or there is earth shattering news, I can expect  Keith Nighswonger, The Ultimate Universal Visionary of ProBassAnglers.com to insist that I sit down with him and conduct an interview with him to get "his side of the story."

Nighswonger owns this web site, it is not publicly traded, so it is not like the stockholders can throw him out.  I have come to dread that afternoon cell phone buzz, that tells me, my plans have just changed.

The Newsroom at ProBassAnglers.com is actually table number 9 at the Pico Rivera, California Burger King.  The UUV of PBA.com likes to think of himself as a "King."  I prefer to think of him as a "Whopper."

Today, I have been summoned to conduct an interview regarding the new ProBassAnglers.com Tour

ProBassAnglers: You have a giant blob of mustard on your shirt, sir.

Nighswonger-yes, well you know what they say, if it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face.

ProBassAnglers: I think you have the wrong company slogan.

Nighswonger-I have called you all to this meeting today to announce some very exciting news.

ProBassAnglers: Sir, the "you all," its just me!

Nighswonger-SILENCE!  I am very excited to announce today that ProBassAnglers.com will be conducting its own Tour in 2006

ProBassAnglers: What?

Nighswonger-In 2006, ProBassAnglers.com will conduct its own tour.  We are very excited about this.

ProBassAnglers: Our own tour......where do I start with this one?

Nighswonger-I expected more from you, you are suppose to be the talent around here, I'm not supposed to tell you where to start, come on, earn your money.

ProBassAnglers: Sir, you pay me in Chuck E Cheese Tokens, its not legal tender.  How in the world are we/you going to conduct a ProBassAnglers.com Tour in 2006?  What do we know about conducting a tour?

Nighswonger-As I have stated before, I am a visionary, I see things....

ProBassAnglers: What do you smoke that makes you see these things? 

Nighswonger-Listen Brush Pile Boy, I have made you, I can break you like.......one of those...ah...er....breakable things, that are... easily broken 

Nighswonger-Anyway get on with the interview, my chicken fingers will be here soon!

ProBassAnglers: I didn't even know Chickens had hands!

ProBassAnglers: OK, tell us about this new ProBassAnglers.com Tour.  How much will it cost to join this tour? 

Nighswonger-To join our tour each participant will need to pay a $10,000.00 tour fee.  I have been doing some research and that EFFEL Doubleyou Tour charges $3,000.00, and the most recent BASE Tour Is charging $5,000.00....

ProBassAnglers: I believe you mean BASS Tour...

Nighswonger-That's what I said.  Anyway, since ProBassAnglers.com is the Universal Leader in professional tour coverage, I feel that we should be the most expensive.  I am a Visionary, I see things the way they could be and say to myself, "self-why not?"

ProBassAnglers: Who will be eligible for this tour, will there be qualifying events?

Nighswonger- Heavens no!  Anyone who wants to join us, needs only to bring the fee, we prefer to get cashier's checks, no offense to anyone, but you just can't trust people these days.  We will also take a credit card. 

ProBassAnglers: What will the format be?  How many events will you hold?

Nighswonger-Format?  Events?  Why must you complicate this.  I have said that ProBassAnglers.com will conduct its own tour in 2006, and you want to know about format and events, what are you dense?

ProBassAnglers: Apparently so. What kind of pay back will you offer on this tour?

Nighswonger-Oh no, there will be no refunds.  Once you sign up for our tour, there are no refunds.  People will need to be sure before they commit.

ProBassAnglers: Wait a minute!  What kind of tour is this?

Nighswonger-Why it is a tour our of our complex of course. 

ProBassAnglers: A tour of our complex?  You mean we are not conducting fishing events? 

Nighswonger-Oh now that's a silly idea.  Conduct fishing tournaments.  We will start in the ProBassAnglers.com media room, here at the Pico Rivera, Burger King, from there, we will take a tour bus to the library work station where you do so much of your work, then it's on to the Commissary for a light snack, and then it will be on to the news room...... 

ProBassAnglers: If you read this, help me, I am being held hostage by a mad man.....

Nighswonger-I heard that......hey here come the Chicken Fingers!