Keith Nighswonger's Brush Pile

Just about every time a big story breaks on the national level, I know I can expect a phone call.  Every time somebody makes a major announcement or there is earth shattering news, I can expect  Keith Nighswonger, The Ultimate Universal Visionary of ProBassAnglers.com to insist that I sit down with him and conduct an interview with him to get "his side of the story."

Nighswonger owns this web site, it is not publicly traded, so it is not like the stockholders can throw him out.  I have come to dread that afternoon cell phone buzz, that tells me, my plans have just changed.

The Newsroom at ProBassAnglers.com is actually table number 9 at the Pico Rivera, California Burger King.  The UUV of PBA.com likes to think of himself as a "King."  I prefer to think of him as a "Whopper."

Today, there is no interview, only the inter-office memo posted on our bulletin board, and e-mail to every employee.

Office Memo October 16th

Yo B-otches, having just returned from my annual retreat in the mountains I feel that it is once again time for us to reinvent ProBassAnglers.com.  During the week that I was gone, I had the opportunity to study the landscape of the bass fishing industry and I have decided that we must stay ahead of the new wave in bass fishing media.  What this web site needs more of is "hip hop" with a gangsta edge, yo.  Consider this to be a "word to ya mutha."

Starting this week, Bill in accounting, your new "gangsta name" will be "Dolla Bill," -word.  Herman in sales........gee, I don't know of too many gangstas that go by Herman.  Yes, Herman, you will be simply known as "Homey G" from now on.  Since you represent, by making live contacts with the public, you will have to get all "tatted up."  Your budget will be $1,000.00, and I expect you get a cross, a dragon, a couple of tear drops, to show that you have done hard time, and any others that will make you look "hard."  Nighswonger from now on you will be known simply as "K-Diddy," and when you refer to listeners on your radio show, you will say, "welcome to the show, B-otches, this is your pimp in a box, K-Diddy."  As for me, from now on, I will be known as "Infamous," because I am so much more that famous, I am, infamous," -word.

Now, K-Diddy, that's you Nighswonger, for our first project under our new gig, I was watching BASS Tech this past weekend and Skeet and G-man totally tricked out this hot yellow Triton with a "bump-in sound system and video screens."  I was thinking we would take your 2001 ProCraft, and turn it into some kind of "transformer type monster boat."  Even though I'm now "Infamous," I am still a visionary, and it seems to me that we could connect with a whole new audience with this little stunt.  Imagine, you're running down your favorite bass fishing lake, and go the by the swim beach, jet ski area.  Instead of going by, you shut down the boat.  Next, you kick in your music, heavy with bass, (that's pronounced base yo,)..."It's like dis and like dat, yo, rat a tat tat, and  I neva hesitate to  put a sucka on his back.  You hear my guns go pop-pop-pop and you know K-diddy made another gangsta drop, (and give me fifty.)"  We'll get with Flava-Flave in the music department, (ah, that's you Randell,) and he will put together that gangsta mix for you.

Anyway, you're out in front of the swim beach, with all of the jet skies, wake boarders and partiers, with your system bump-n, that will get all of their attention, you know, get them to look at us, and then, "bam" you flip a switch, and you're ProCraft transforms into "Gangst-zilla" a three story, fire breathing robot monster!"  That will be awesome.

Also, effective next Tuesday, I am moving the offices of ProBassAnglers.com from Orange County California, to Del Boca Vista, Florida.  In order for us to maintain our new Gangsta image, we are going to have to come from the mean streets.  We can't be hard, if we come from the OC.  I am giving each of you a week, to sell your homes and break the news to your families.  While we are on the subject of families, we might want to just abandon them as well, after all, the new gangsta image we are looking for is very much a selfish, self righteous image and we can't have no family dragging us down.  I mean if we are going to be kicking it with some homies, we can't be worrying about our kids.

Staff, you must understand.  It is my calling, my destiny, hey, it's my job to take us to new heights, and I believe this new audience is where we want to be. I have watched a lot of television in the last week, and I am convinced this is where bass fishing is headed.  So, hear this loud and clear.  If you want to keep your jobs here at ProBassAnglers.com, you will embrace these changes. While I fully realize that some of these new changes might alienate our bass fishing audience, it is this new group I am looking to embrace.  

"They are rough and tumble, they are the x-treme, our audience is new........they are jet ski ridding, su-e-siddin, they are tuff, through and through."

"They like to play their music loud, have bad manners and a tude.......they are tattoo wearing, guns-a-blarrin, all and all they're crude."

"But it's all about the Benjamins, the money makes them sing......it's all about the jew-ler-ry, it's all about bling-bling."-Word.

Infamous-Universal Vissionary