You've read the Brushpile for some time now, and look at you...you're ok.  Outside of that nervous tick, some abdominal spasms and a bit of nausea, you're just fine.  This week Keith Nighswonger descends on the unsuspecting people of Florida, to give us his first hand account of the 2006 Bassmaster Classic.  This week's Brushpiles will have a definite Classic tilt to them and we bet you will find them interesting.  By his own admission, Nighswonger is off to find the stories that you won't read about anywhere else.  If you go to the Classic, you may not see him, but rest assured he will be watching you.  There is no telling where he will show up, so be on your best behavior...... You've been warned! 

2/20/06 Somewhere Between NASCAR And Curling-I got to watch two events on television yesterday, one an Olympic event called Curling and the other, the Daytona 500.  Not having time to watch either event in it's entirety, each one left me with a perspective to compare my beloved sport of bass fishing.  "Bass fishing will never be a spectator sport," the comment that is made by many people, even those who work in and support the bass fishing industry.  Yet there they were yesterday chanting "U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A!" as our Curling team squared off against Great Britain, and after a couple of dozen "stones" were pushed down an ice course towards a bull's eye, the United States was somehow declared the winner and the place went nuts!"  

The place went nuts.  "Nuts" implying that the 1,500 or so in attendance not only understood the rules to this game and how to keep score, but that they also knew of the "athletes" and respected the talent of the "brushers" as they attempted to influence the stone's path, by madly brushing the ice as the stone slid slowly towards the target.  

"What are those guys with the brushes doing dad?"  An innocent questions from a half interested seven year old.

"Oh man, why couldn't he ask me an easy question, can't you just ask me where babies come from?"  I thought.

"Guys, dad really doesn't understand what those brushers are trying to do, I think they are trying to create friction so those stones will glide further."

"Won't that friction cause the ice to melt?  

"Let's hope so."  I thought.

Then there was the maniacal world of NASCAR that never fails to amaze me, even when I watch it on television.  One hundred and eighty miles per hour and these guys all hate each other.  Each one trying to "nudge" the other guy for "nudging me first," at one hundred eighty miles per hour.  Every fan in attendance all there for the same reason, "oh yeah, I love the horse power and the precision driving.  These guys are the top drivers in the land and I love to watch them drive with all that grace and....." 

No you don't.  You know it, I know it, and so does everyone who goes to one of those races.  You are there to watch, to see, to witness......the crashes.  Tell me you are not at least a little disappointed when you go to a race, see several drivers duke it out over 500 miles but there are no accidents.  

"Gee, I don't know, that's never happened." 

Exactly!

Now, somewhere between Curling and NASCAR is bassfishing.  Somewhere between the "dead pan," emotionless Curlers and the almost "forced" shine of the NASCAR guys are the bass pros.  Several times during the Curling events I wanted to shout, "Check that guy's pulse, is he alive?  He is Curling for a gold medal and it looks like the match is close!"  No fist pumping, no high fives, although I did see an English guy twirl his brush after what the announcers described was a tension filled few seconds.  Now there is another topic all by itself, "Curling Announcer."  Sounds like one of those "Real men of genius" commercials that is sponsored by some beer company.  Love the commercials, don't know what they are trying to sell me.  They wanted to hear that.

Oh, I suppose that if the National Carp Tour ever calls me and wants me to MC their weigh ins, I will have to give it some thought, you know, when you want to break into an industry, you pretty much have to take what they'll give you.  I guess I can sort of relate to what those Curling Announcers are having to deal with.  It's not NCAA College Football, but it might be a pathway to it.

Those good old,  "Dukes Of Hazzard" NASCAR boys, calling themselves out, smacking each other down in the post race interviews while the intended ears were standing just a few feet away, waiting for their chance to congratulate their pit crew and shovel a little more on the guy he swapped paint with on lap number 38.  It sort of reminded me of the "smack down" found in professional wrestling, only without the steroids and spandex.  Although maybe professional wrestlers could take a cue from NASCAR drivers and have those wrestlers where the fire suits.  Don't you think if you know, some times those wrestlers caught on fire, it would make for more compelling television?

Then there was the goober who couldn't talk to the announcer until one of his people handed him his bottle of coca-cola.  "Yeah Bart that was a tough race, I know Billy is mad about that bump in lap number 121, excuse me,"

Takes a swig from his bottle of coke, "Dam that coke-cola is cold! Ahhhhhh" smacks his lips.

"Old Billy shouldn't be too mad about that bump in 121, cause he started it way back on lap 38 when he bumped me, betcha he sort of forgot about that didn't he?  Ah (I) didn't."

"Wow," I thought.  "This guy needs some manners school.  Don't these drivers have an organization that is willing to help them market themselves better.  I mean you don't drink pop while you are being interviewed in front of a national audience of millions of people."

You drink pop in front of a national audience if your sponsor, the guy who paid for that pretty car, happens to make and bottle that stuff.  Later in the day I saw a commercial that explained that these guys get points for things like drinking soda during interviews, eating M and M's when the camera's running and talking about your remolding job at home on Jay Leno, when your sponsor is Home Depot.

I hope I'm never watching when someone interviews that Viagra driver!

The bass fishermen are somewhere in between the Curlers and the NASCAR fellas.  This year we have learned that manners and politeness don't necessarily make for good television.  We have discovered that a stoic individual like Zell Rowland doesn't make the final production unless he nearly gets into a "beat down" on the water with Gerald Swindle over a fishing hole.  We have seen two gentlemen who may have quarreled over water, out there on the lake, but would never air their dirty laundry in public, called out on stage at the Bassmaster Classic.  "These guys aren't going to confront themselves live on our stage.  Quick, let's ask George Cochran about his reputation."

But now you kind of understand what Mike Iaconelli is doing when he goes "Iaconelli."  Now you understand why Skeet Reese shows up in Pittsburgh with yellow hair.  Now you understand why Marty Stone shaved his head.  Now you understand why Gerald Swindle........Ok, at least you understand what those other guys are doing.

Jerry McKinnis caught a lot of flack from several anglers when JM tried to explain to bass anglers what the cameras needed in order to make a TV show more entertaining.  More entertainment!  Of course those comments touched off a wave paranoia on the part on anglers, fans even the media.  Guilty here.

But I get it now.  There were moments during the Curling event that I wanted to hit myself with a board and I would have changed the channel, but for a 45 minute period yesterday, our TV remote control was lost in some unexplained vortex.  Those are 45 minutes of my life that I can never get back, totally wasted.  But then there were the 15 minutes that I spent watching NASCAR.  Exciting, intriguing, compelling, AWESOME! (I know this is not a sentence!)

The athletes in the Curling competition.  I can see those guys.  I am sure their yards are immaculately groomed, with all that sweeping, but where is the emotion?  Where is the agony?  

I know, I know. 

"Mr. Nighswonger, Curling is a gentleman's sport.  We don't have all that whooping and hollering."

Exactly and it is boring!

It seems that I can remember a time when purists said the same thing about bass fishing, and it was boring to those who didn't love the sport.

Mr. McKinnis, you are convincing me!

So, there is my analogy between NASCAR and Curling.  One is on national television every Sunday morning being viewed by more people than some NFL games. The other is hidden on some long lost cable channel and showed once every four years.

Bass fishing is somewhere in there, we're trying.  While we once may have been like Curling, we are moving towards NASCAR.  So where are we?  Somewhere in between.